Do you ever feel like you could be doing so much more for yourself? Here lately, I have had that feeling of something is missing in my life. I haven't pinned it down yet, but I know it's there. To be completely honest, I have everything a woman could ever want. I am spoiled beyond belief. I have a great son (even if he does annoy me at times), who is alive and healthy. I have a cool family. I have enough money that I am not in the streets, I have enough food that I am not hungry and I have a roof over my head. And I have finally found a man who accepts me for me. Yup, even the fact that I am not the perfect person I would love everyone to think I am. I have a great set of friends (real ones and online ones). Yes, I willingly admit to being conceited and spoiled. I rarely fail at things I attempt, with one exception: relationships. But now I don't have to even worry about that.
So, what is missing in my life? For unknown reasons, I continue to come back to God and church. Ok, to be honest, maybe not church so much as a relationship with God. As in, I'm sorely lacking in that department. I am one of those people who only pray when I'm in trouble or need something. No, I don't make "deals" with God, but I don't exactly go out of my way to pray either. I honestly believe that is what is missing in my life. But how to fix it? I'm not ready to return to organized religion. I don't feel I need to be sitting around reading the Bible and preaching to people either. What I do know is I need to get my butt in gear. I'm just not sure where to start anymore. So, what brought all of this on? The following song was played today on my way home and it hit me. Yes, I've had my moments in the sun, but looking at me, you might not know it. That so applies to me right now. How to fix it is a whole other blog. Recognizing that you need to change is the first step. I just hope I'm not jumping off a cliff.
*if you have speakers, turn it up, you will be able to hear the song*
Emerson Drive
Moments
Moments
I was coming to the end of a long long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always felt this way
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He says
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
