The Weather Channel

There is an old saying about if you want to see what your girlfriend/wife will be like in 20+ years, look at her mother. God help me now. God help Steve now. I'm hoping I'll just have her quirky personality, not the rest of it.
So, I'm bored out of my mind, assignments are done for the week, Andrew is with Jac, the house is clean, etc. I guess I'm getting cabin fever. Anyway, I caught myself watching the freakin' Weather Channel a few minutes ago. Now, I'm not talking weather on the 8's or anything, I'm talking for 2 or 3 segments. Somehow, all the sudden, I was very interested in the snow that is coming our way. Then I started thinking I need to go to the grocery store, Andrew & I might get snowed in.

I can feel it now, I'm going to end up like my mother, calling Andrew, begging him to take me and Steve to the store to get a loaf of bread and some milk because it MIGHT snow.

If that isn't enough to depress a person, I don't know what is.

It's calling my name

Yeah, it's butt ass cold out there (28), but I have an intense desire to get into the Miata and ride to the bluff. A few things are holding me back, namely, Andrew, the cold and the place itself.
I haven't been up there since last year (as in 2005). But for some reason, tonight, it's almost as though it's calling my name...
hmmm, kinda makes me wonder what is about to happen. I only get these funky feelings when something is going to happen.

I want to stand on the edge of the cliff and feel the warm wind blow across my skin. I want to lay down on the rock that is still warm from the day's sun beating down on it. I want to drift off to sleep listening to the sound of the river winding down to a place unknown.

I guess I'll have to wait a few months before being able to go enjoy the solitude of the bluff. I'm sure it will still be there waiting on me.

All he wanted was supper

I'm so happy I don't have to hunt and forage for my food. Andrew and I would probably starve. Or worst yet, end up like this eagle.

Eagle lugging deer head causes blackout

JUNEAU, Alaska - About 10,000 Juneau residents briefly lost power after a bald eagle lugging a deer head crashed into transmission lines.

"You have to live in Alaska to have this kind of outage scenario," said Gayle Wood, an Alaska Electric Light & Power spokeswoman. "This is the story of the overly ambitious eagle who evidently found a deer head in the landfill."

The bird, weighed down by the deer head, apparently failed to clear the transmission lines, she said. A repair crew found the eagle dead, the deer head nearby.

The power was out for less than 45 minutes Sunday.

What men see in me (this is good!)

What's Sexy About Aries Women
Ruled by warrior planet Mars, the Aries woman has the heart of an Amazon -- and that's an irresistible turn-on to men. Hot-tempered yet fun, you're an independent person who can hold your own, which makes it all the more challenging for a man to capture your heart. Like Aries stars Reece Witherspoon and Kate Hudson, you exude sass and style. Your guy digs watching you drive topless (in your convertible!) or playing to win at tennis. Your competitive nature turns him on -- try arm-wrestling or pillow-fighting with him some time, and watch the passion heat up in a flash!

There's a fresh, youthful vibe about you, a hint of the tomboy that you accentuate by wearing bright colors and casual styles. You're a big flirt, and your sharp tongue can trade verbal barbs with the best of them. These qualities, along with your ready laugh and childlike enthusiasm, make your man feel young at heart. Surprise him with a spontaneous trip to the desert or mountains -- camping out under the stars or even chasing storms will crank your sex life up to full throttle!

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I find this hilarious!! All those things they list, temper, competitiveness, toyboy, flirt, laughing and being spontanous, YUP, that's me!! BUT, all those thing have gotten me in trouble in relationships before. Damn, I can't win for losing!!!

What You See in Your Taurus Man
There's an earthy charm and confidence about the Bull that makes him sexy. Even if he's not classically handsome, his sweet ways get him just about anything or anyone he wants. Fun and flirtatious, when it comes to commitment he moves slowly, like his other animal, the tortoise. As with Taurus Jack Nicholson, he's apt to stay single until someone really special comes along. But if he knows you're "The One," he'll take his time and wait 'til you come around.

Taurus is good with his hands and very sensual -- trading massages really turns him on. He's also tuned in to his body -- and yours! -- which makes him a sensitive lover. Unflappable and serene (unless pushed too far), he'll make you feel safe. He can get stuck in ruts, however. Often broad-chested and a bit fleshy, his warmth is comforting on chilly nights. Ruled by artistic Venus, he's both creative and practical. He'll build you a cabinet or plan your portfolio, and feel manly doing so. To thank him in a way he'll really appreciate, savor a deluxe hot fudge sundae together -- in bed.
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Hmm, if this is right about Steve, he owes me a massage!!

My Mama has a dog named Weed. She inherited this dog from a man that lives down the road from her. I always said that Weed looks like a fat, black possum. She's a happy dog that always meets you in the driveway with a wagging tail and makes you feel welcome. Well, she won't anymore.

Weed was shot last night, in my Mama's driveway, right beside my stepdad. My Mama lives down a road that leads to the local water dam. It's a quiet neighborhood with a lot of old people and one nasty ass pedophile who I have threatened to de-nut on many occasions. Well, it was a quiet neighborhood until a couple moved in behind the house my Mama lives in. Since then, it has gone downhill. To make a long story short, Mama and this couple have been to court several times over dogs. But never over Weed.

Because of a court order, Mama has to keep her other dog, Mickey on a leash at all times. So my stepdad was walking Mickey and Weed was happily walking with them. Wayne (stepdad) heard a shot and Weed yelped. Since it was dark, he couldn't see where Weed went and when he looked up at the neighbors house, they had flood lights on and he couldn't see who was doing the shooting. He went home and told Mama what had happened, but wasn't sure if Weed was hurt or not. My Mama called the police and when they got there, they did a search and found Weed, dead, apparently trying to get back to Mama's house.
Everyone has been questioned, Weed has been sent to Richmond for a doggie autopsy (yeah well, it's early and I can't spell the real word). Hopefully the bullet will still be there, but like I told my Mama, it will be easy enough for them to hide the gun and not be able to link anyone to the shooting.

Ya know, I'm not a "dog" person. I have always preferred cats. But I like older, calm dogs that need no attention. Weed was one of those dogs. Many a night, I landed at my Mama's house, crying, drunk or both as the case may be and Weed always slept with me. I'm really gonna miss her. She was company for my Mama and she was a just in general a good dog. Hell, she was 14 years old, who would have thought she would go out like this?

What kind of low class moron shoots a dog while the owner is walking it? That is just fucking wrong. They need to go back to whatever nasty ass infested hole they crawled out of.

I just don't understand. And some ask why I hate stupid people. This is a perfect example of why.

Below is the only picture I have of Weeder (as I call her).

damnit man

Ok, well, I had posted earlier on this. I reread it and realized how selfish and bratty I was being. Poor Steve, he's got a lot on him right now and me throwing a freakin' temper tantrum is not going to help. I asked him to please come over tomorrow rather than Thursday. I'm gonna have to just spill my guts and tell him everything I'm feeling. God, either he will run the other way or he will just accept it and try harder. I need him to be there for me. I don't want him to be at my beck and call, but it would be nice if he would at least be able to say 'hey, how are you' every once in a while.

Am I expecting too much?? Am I comparing him to all the others? God I'm so fucking confused right now and I don't know why or what brought this on. All I know is that I love Steve, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I can honestly, finally see me in a committed relationship. This is something I have tried to achieve for 10 years now and I never could find the one. Now I've found the one and he seems so emotionally detached. I say this in all honesty, I would live in a freakin' card board box on an iceberg with this man.

I need to sleep and I can't. I'm scared that I will check my email tomorrow and he won't come down and I will feel all rejected and crap. Damnit. ERRRRRR. I seriously need to start getting some sleep, I think I'm starting to go insane.

Revision of one of my die hard theories

A friend of mine and I recently was discussing Valentine's Day. She asked what was the particular reason I chose not to celebrate it. My first response has always been I do not need a day to tell someone that I love them. Which is true. I try to tell my loved ones every time I talk to them that I love them. Standard goodbye is usually "ok, love you, be careful, bye". I learned a long time ago to tell people you love them before it's too late. I have heard so many horror stories about people not being able to really tell someone how much they meant to them and when they finally did, it was usually to a pine box and the shell of the person. I never, ever want to be standing over a dead loved one, wishing I had told them I loved them.

Back to my theory on Valentine's Day, it has not always been this way. I used to celebrate with Dale. I don't think I was ever involved with anyone else long enough to celebrate it. If I was, I don't remember it. Kevin was always in jail, so I guess that is how it got pushed to the side. I've always done something for Andrew, even if it's just a card and some candy.

So, as we were talking and she was giving me history of Valentine's Day, she was encouraging me to give it another chance. It's in remembrance of a Saint after all. She made an excellent point. Just because Kevin fucked up every holiday and birthday you ever had, why should that stop you from celebrating with the one you love now?

Hmm, never thought of it that way. I guess I do have a lot of "baggage" I brought with me to my new relationship because of him. A lot of it, I can honestly say, I have gotten over. But the holiday thing is still there. I expect the worst. So, for the sake of not letting him run my life anymore, I've decided to celebrate Valentine's Day.

Sorry Steve. I know you were expecting not to have to be all romantic, but you can do it for me, 1 day out of the year. Honestly, the rest of the time, I could give a rat's ass if you are romantic or not. LOL. And that is my new theory on Valentine's Day.

Random Updates

Just a quick update for everyone who has been sending me emails and such. I want to thank everyone. I'm doing really good (well, for me, lol).
Andrew stayed with us on Friday. Whew. I think he did surprisingly well. We were actually all in bed asleep before 10:30. And the two loves of my life slept like babies all night and of course, I was up and down, wondering if both of them were ok. (I think the snoring gave me an indication they were). We took Andrew to Texas Steakhouse on Friday, I think because he wanted the singing and brownie. I don't know who jumped higher, Steve or Andrew. So, my baby is now 9. I'm still wondering where the time went. Tammy keeps telling me it only gets "better" from here. Woo Hoo. And Mama says raising boys are easier. Yeahh, right. I'm still wondering about that one.

Friday I got some news that knocked me on my ass. A close friend of mine who I'm not ready to reveal yet, has lymphoma. This completely took me by surprise and has me scared, upset and pondering on my own life. I have always said when you think things are bad in your own life, look around, there is always someone who has it worse. Yes, our cancers are completely different, but it is still cancer no matter which way you look at it. Statistically, I'm in good shape. Depending on the type, Hodkin's or Non, she may or may not be. She was there for me when I went through this the first time. She was the first person I saw when I woke up from surgery, she held my hands and hair as I got sick from all the chemicals. Now it's my turn to help her. I can only hope and pray that I can be as good a friend to her as she is to me. So if you are a spiritual, religious person, please say a prayer, light a candle, whatever it is you do, that she will get through this.

We had an "ice storm". So, of course, Steve and I had to make the required trip to the store to get bread. A quarter of an inch of ice here in Virginia completely stops everything. But I think the roads are going to be ok this morning, I hope so anyway. Those damn snow plows went by often enough last night. I just can't wait to see my Miata ice skate into my parking lot. Weeeeeee.

School started again last week. Blech. But the way I see it, it's two easy classes and I'm done. One of my instructors reminds me of the guy from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. He has selected his victim to pick at and this poor kid is clueless. At least it's not me. And, there are quite a few students older than me. At least there wasn't any students who asked me for the syllabus this time (thinking I'm the professor), so it's all good. I don't feel so ancient this go round. Even though Andrew asked me if dinosaurs were around when I was little (grrrr).

I think that is all from here, those horrible, get louder as you try to ignore them alarm clocks are going off, so I'm gonna go poke Steve.

The unspoken word

**For those family members and friends who know me in the "real" world, forgive me for not telling you myself. But it seems like we do this every few years and I'm tired of calling with bad news. Thank you for everything and remember, I love all of y'all**

I have heard it called many things. Words I feel do not justify just how bad it is or can begin to describe the true meaning of the word. If it is relating to you or a family member, terror ripples through you. However, it is something I feel you can not truly comprehend until you have either went through it yourself or have been close to someone who has.

Cancer. How do you even begin to describe all the implications that go along with one word? I don't think it can be done.

Having worked in the heath care industry; I can remember people coming into the emergency room, finding out their diagnosis, with a sigh of relief saying "at least it's not cancer". I always wanted to tell those people they have no idea how lucky they truly are.

Then there are the people when they find out you have cancer or are a cancer survivor, they say they are sorry. My thoughts are always "sorry for what? You didn't give it to me". Because our society has placed such a high value on good health and longevity, we have become apologetic to anyone who does not have either one going for them. Hearing those words do help, but somehow, it just seems automatic and rehearsed. As when someone passes on, what are the first words out of our mouths? "I'm sorry." Most cancer patients want to hear, "I'll be here for you, if you need me". That can be the most comforting words to hear when you are a cancer patient. To know that someone would take time out of their hectic lives to help you do something, take you to the doctor or simply hold you when you need to cry, it makes all the difference in the world.

So, why am I on my soapbox today? It seems I am out of remission. I made it 2 years, 9 months and 18 days. (This is not to be confused with the previous cancer I had-different type).

What now? I'm not sure. I go to my oncologist/gynecologist next week. We will discuss options once again. I am hoping and praying surgery will end this and I will again be on a 3 month watch. If not, I'll deal with it then. For now, I am concentrating on the fact that I am not "sick". I feel great, in fact, I am the happiest I have ever been in my 32 years. I finally have a wonderful man by my side, a healthy, happy son and many wonderful family member and friends. What more could a woman ask for?

A cure maybe...one day.

F.I.N.E.

F.I.N.E. by Aerosmith, great song.
I have always loved Aerosmith. Few people know that the song FINE is an acronym for:
Fucked Up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

So, after this weekend and two sudden outbursts of unexpected, where the hell did that come from, crying spells, I remembered this song tonight. And decided, yup, it fits me to a T.

So, why F.I.N.E.?? because I'm all four of those wrapped up into one. And I'm ok with it. For once in my life, I'm ok with not being completely "normal" by standard definitions. I finally don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. Yes, I am fucked up at times, I am neurotic when it comes to things like money, my son and family. I'm insecure mainly about my relationship with Steve. And I'm definately emotional...shame I can't blame it on PMS.

And the best part about this realization? He still loves me. And that makes it all good.

And yes, I am back to suffering from insomnia. Strange how I can sleep almost through the night at Steve's, but I come home and am awake most of the night. But there is a four day weekend coming up and I can hopefully play catch up on a few things then. One being sleep!

How to remain an intact male

Steve and I were talking the other night and I made a comment about how no matter what, there are certain answers that a male needs to give a female. As in, under the death penalty, some things you just don't tell a woman. The example I used was if a woman asked if she was fat, under NO circumstances should a man say "yes". Well, I suppose if he secretly desires to be a eunuch or just likes to sleep on the couch where others put their ass, he could answer honestly.

Now, I'm all about honesty. I don't want people to lie to me or blow smoke up my ass. However, because I'm a woman and this is ingrained into my brain, I suppose, some of these are nice to hear. So, here they are (per a website found through Google) and my little comments are beside them, 'cause all of y'all know I have some snide comments to make about everything ;-)

1. "You're beautiful and sexy."
Yup, this one is very important. I mean, if your woman looks like the ass end of a bull dog, she still needs to hear it. Hell, I might look that way, but so far, no one has had the nerve to tell me that. Actually, it's been quiet the opposite. Guess I've been pretty lucky about the guys I've dated/married, they had this one covered. Well, almost all of them...

2. "You're a great lover."
My thought on this one is, yeah, I know I am. Ha Ha. But seriously, I think this falls under the "you're the best I ever had" catagory, even if she isn't. You do want to get some again, don't you? If we have to tell you how great your anatomy is, you should tell us how great we are in bed.

3. "You're so smart."
This one, I don't really agree with. I know some pretty dumb people. I don't think you should encourage the stupid.

4. "You're my best friend."
Even if she's not "technically" your best friend, it's probably a good idea to tell her anyway. A woman not only wants to be your g/f, wife, lover, she wants to be your friend too. And you know us women, we have to be the best at everything.

5. "You're the most important thing to me."
I agree with this one. However, a disclaimer should be put on this one. If your Harley or your dog is more important, she's probably gonna already know that, so don't lie to her. Just omit this one.

6. "I would never lie to you."
Just because of past history, as soon as a man says this to me, I know he's going to lie. Just like when a man says "trust me", run like hell. (No, I'm not bitter, just realistic)

7. "I have never cheated on you."
To me, this is a touchy one. Why would a man just randomly say this to a woman? If a guy said it to me, I'd automatically wonder why he feels the need to reassure me. But if I asked him, yeah, I would wanna hear it.

8. "I'd be lost without you."
Well, if it's maps and directions we are talking about, hell, they'd be lost with me. Ha, Ha. But yeah, it's nice to know that a man needs you and not just for cooking, cleaning and chasing after the brats.

9. "You're funny."
The first thing I thought of when I read that, was "funny as in haha or funny as in gay?" (slingblade). Anyway, some people have no sense of humor, so again, don't encourage the idiots who believe they are the next Ellen DeGeneres.

10. "I love you."
All I have to say on this is, if you don't mean it, don't say it. Don't screw with people's emotions. It's not nice and they may go postal on your ass.

More

Steve took some more pictures of what it looks like today without the redness. And then there is an extra of his sweet little kitty, Holly, begging for attention. On the one pic, you can see 3 of my tats, to the left of the new on is a wolf and the one on my arm is a fawn.

**pics have been removed**

End of days and the lucky 7

So as much as I say I don't regret anything, there is one thing I do regret. Putting a name on my body. Not my son's, well, because he'll always be my son. But putting Kevin's name on my back was probably one of the second stupidest things on my list of all time "Amie had a dumbass moment", and believe me, the list is a long one. At the time, it seemed like a good idea. I had know him 20 years (it was done on our 2nd or 3rd wedding anniversary), so it was sort of a tribute to our friendship/love. Since those days are over, I have been begging my friend for months to cover it up for me. So yesterday was the day. New Year and all, might as well start it out right. So, waking up beside the one who makes me so very happy, spending the day with him, seeing one of my best friends and getting a tattoo made my New Year's Day perfect.

So much has went on in the last week. The world seems to be changing so quickly. 2006 is over, thank God, one of the worst and best years I've had in a long time. President Ford who was in office when I was born, died. The tyrant, Saddam Hussein was hanged; and our 3000th soldier died . And we can't forget that the "Godfather of Soul", James Brown, passed too. That is a lot to happen in a less than 2 weeks. We are watching history in the making. Kinda makes you wonder what 2007 will bring.
Anyway, here is a pic of the tattoo. It has to be reinked again, to make sure it covers it. This made #7 for me. Hmm, lucky number 7. And here all this time, I thought # 36 was my favorite number.
To all my friends, I hope '07 brings you love, peace, blessings and happiness.

This is the "before":


And here is the "after" until it gets reinked: