It's calling my name

Yeah, it's butt ass cold out there (28), but I have an intense desire to get into the Miata and ride to the bluff. A few things are holding me back, namely, Andrew, the cold and the place itself.
I haven't been up there since last year (as in 2005). But for some reason, tonight, it's almost as though it's calling my name...
hmmm, kinda makes me wonder what is about to happen. I only get these funky feelings when something is going to happen.

I want to stand on the edge of the cliff and feel the warm wind blow across my skin. I want to lay down on the rock that is still warm from the day's sun beating down on it. I want to drift off to sleep listening to the sound of the river winding down to a place unknown.

I guess I'll have to wait a few months before being able to go enjoy the solitude of the bluff. I'm sure it will still be there waiting on me.

Little Red Ride

Well, my little red ride pooped out on me today. I have no idea what is wrong with it this time. Either the plugs or plug wires, I hope. Maybe it's something as simple as that.

Went to get a Christmas tree tonight, with no such luck. Too much to go into, but it boils down too sensory overload.

I am sitting here with the music blaring, trying to decide what to do. Well, in particular two things: the job issue and the car issue. I know I need to be rational about the car, it can be fixed. I don't need a car payment at this point in my life. I don't want one either. I'd rather focus on getting my butt into my own home again.

The job issue, well, if I want to never have a permenant schedule, I have the perfect job offer. But I'm too flighty as it is, I can't not know what shift I will work next. I have had Andrew with me going on 3 weeks in a row (except weekends) and I can't just up and send him back. I have fought too hard & too long to send my son back to staying with his dad all the time.

I guess I ought to get my butt in bed, 7 comes early these days. And having to go to the gyn/oncologist tomorrow is weighing heavily on my mind. So, I'm hoping sleep will come.

All my ex's should live in Texas

This weekend was the weekend from Hell when it came to the EX's. I think they should be outlawed. Literally. If you don't have a child with them, they should just *poof* disappear. Well, not mine. One likes to torture me with words, the other one likes to beg. The one who tortures me and calls me a "bad mother" decided it was a good idea to harass me last night. I think it's very impolite to call a person who can NEVER have children again and tell them your new wife is pregnant, especially when the 10 year anniversary of your children's death is in less than a week. Maybe it's just me? Dunno, just kinda think it's mean and spiteful. But I know my son will be a great big brother and I do wish them good luck. Honestly, I really do. The other one, seeing as his only means of communication is writing, decided to write two letters. And of course the first one was begging me not to leave his ass (umm, hello, I'm not the one who is in prison for being a crack head???), and the second one was about my son. I won't go into that one. I got it taken care of.

On to "happier stuff", Thursday we went to my sisters for dinner. Jac, Mama & Terry did not chew Steve up and spit him out. I somehow fully expected them to rip him a new one with questions. I must say they were very polite. Hell, I only caught a few jabs from Terry. Mostly about cooking and me being an airhead. (Yes, I am a self-professed airhead) This morning, Mama told me that she liked Steve because he let her dog sit on his lap. As if he had a choice Anyway, that's kinda nice to know, because so far the two people my Mama has ever liked has been Dale and Tim.

The weekend was good. I have found that you don't come between a man and his computer Steve got to drive the car. And damnit, I was gonna get a picture of it and forgot. Jac was impressed. The last person I let drive it was my Daddy, and I wasn't around to see it. I only got us "lost" once and technically it wasn't lost, I knew the road we was on, I just went in the wrong direction. By the time we got back to his house, I was shivering.

Le got a job. She is going to be working in the kitchen at the Mission Home. Not around knives though. I'm so very proud of her. Damnit, I miss her. I told her the other day, if I thought I could get away with it, I would be gone tomorrow. I'd pack my stuff and go. I'd love to live out there with my Daddy for a while, but I'd really miss my Mama. And I have about a snowballs chance in hell of ever getting permission for Andrew to go with me. But he really, really needs to learn his heritage. There is so much that I can't teach him.
Speaking of Andrew, he's got a crush. The object of his affection is a little girl who he has gone to school with since kindergarten whose name is Brianna. She's a beautiful little girl. He went with me into the store, spotted her, his face went red, he started sputtering, and behind my back he went. I swear, now I know what they are talking about when they say "hiding behind Mama's skirts". I grilled him about it on the way to school and he kept telling me to be quiet. The whole time he denied it, but you could see his little face just light up. Steve told me not to mess it up for him. How could I, his Mama, mess this up for him? **Sigh** my baby is growing up. He'll be 9 in a little over 2 months.

I am going to wrap this up now; just wanted to update everyone on life in my world. At least the world has stopped spinning so fast and I can finally take a look at what is going on around me and enjoy it. About freakin' time. And right now, from where I stand, things are looking pretty good.

Maybe Not In His World, Words From My Son

My son has been rubbing his eyes furiously all morning. When asked if he was ok, he would just yawn and reply "you get me up too early for the weekend". Knowing he was up late, probably doing through sugar withdrawal, and just generally in a foul mood, I just walk off and finish breakfast. He follows me through the house, asking one of his endless questions. "whatcha gonna do today, Mama?" was the first, followed by so many questions, it would make a Spanish Inquisitor proud. I sigh, continue to answer until I am annoyed and shoo him out of the kitchen. As he is sitting eating breakfast, he asks "why don't you eat in the mornings?" I tell him, I am just not a morning person, too early to eat, etc. He continues on the "my Daddy says" kick so finally I tell him, "Well, baby, this is Mama's world, not Daddy's so things are different." Those huge eyes that mirror mine look back at me as he ponders on this.

Shortly thereafter, I am taking him to Grannie & Pop's and it is raining. My rag top is leaking somewhere on the driver's side next to the door, so I was battling drops of rain and trying to drive within the lines. As we pull up to the stop light, I look over and there is another Miata beside us. He has his rag top down, windows up, windshield wipers on, just a sight to see. I told Andrew "look at him, what an idiot, why would he have the top down, it's raining"...and the response I got was priceless. "Maybe not in his world Mama"...

Only my son could make a have an outlook on life like that. So, I guess the next time there is an idiot driving in the rain, I'll have to remember, just because it's raining in my world, it may not be in theirs...