Season, Reason or a Lifetime?

They say people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Somehow I tend to lump my friends into one of those categories. For example, I have a friend Misty, who I have known and kept in touch with since elementary school. I consider her to be someone I will know for the rest of my life. Yes, we disagree on a lot of things but in the end, we are still there for each other.

The friends who have drifted into my life for a season or two, such as co-workers or friends of friends, if I don't hear from them in years, that is ok. I know they are living their lives and should we pass each other on a street, we will stop and catch up.

The ones who come into my life for a reason are the ones who have taught me something. The lessons I have learned are usually something I can apply to my other relationships.

Today, as is my morning habit, I was reading the paper. (Ok, it's on the computer, but I still call it the paper). I always look in the obituaries, not sure why, guess I'm just morbid that way. And looking back at me was someone who I have thought of many times, but had not seen since last summer. Her name was Tammi. (Not to be confused with my best friend Tammy, she's still alive and sassy as ever!!) I also noticed her family spelled her name with an "e", she hated being "Tammie", she like "Tammi", because it made her unique. To me, that just shows me how much people misunderstood her.

Tammi came into my life when things were at its most chaotic. Kevin was in the rehab, having just been diagnosed with schizophrenia. She was in the rehab because she was bi-polar and generally unstable. The first thing I remember about her is she was so small and helpless looking. I used to tease her that she was the only one to stare at my boobs, because that is as high as she could see.

Like a cute little puppy, Tammi grew on you quickly. I knew there was something "more" going on between Kevin and Tammi, but at that point, I just didn't care anymore. I was living with Tim, I was "happy".

One day I went home to get more clothes (I still maintained my own home) and there they were. Kevin had brought her home with him. She had no where to go, her husband was brought up on drug charges, her kids had been taken from her, and her house had been foreclosed on.

What could I do? I accepted her as a part of the family. Eventually her daughter came to live there. My relationship with Tim was not what I wanted, so I moved home. Suddenly, I was living with my husband and his girlfriend. I don't believe I ever actively thought of her as competition. I just knew her as a friend who needed a family and someone to help take care of her. Hell, I was taking care of Kevin, had a 3 year old son, why not add another kid and a bi-polar, mostly manic woman to the mix? Kevin soon told me he was "in love" with her. I can remember my exact thought "why her? She's a mess." But you can't help who you love.

You can't help who you love. That is what Tammi taught me. You can't change how you feel, even if the person you love hurts you to your core, you still love them. Like that cute helpless puppy, you will continue to go back to the one who hurts you. Over the years, I have learned however that you can control how much influence that person has over you.

As for Tammi, she married a boy named Andy who was 14 years her junior. She literally left our house and moved into his. From what I understand, that didn't last very long. I believe it was her 4^th marriage. Tammi lived a sad, chaotic life. When she was manic, she had a blast, but when she came back down, she hit rock bottom. I guess this time she just didn't have the strength to pull herself back up from that black pit of despair.

I have a Bible she once gave me; along with a bookmark that reads "when life has you down, look up". I have no doubt that Tammi no longer has to look up for help. She is finally free of a chronic, life changing disease that has a horrible stigma attached to it. It is a shame it had to end this way.

I wanna be a penguin

I get up every morning and watch the Today Show. This week is their "Ends of the Earth" week. This morning, Ann Curry did a segment on Penguins.
After watching it and saying "aww" a few times, I realized that guys should be more like penguins.
First, male penguins like their females fat. (yup, got that part covered)
Second, they are monogamous. Well, at least for a year or so and then the next year they will try to find the same partner again.
Third, the female lays the egg, transfers it to the male and heads back out to eat. The male will not leave the egg until it is hatched. If the female is gone, he cares for it untils he returns.
Another cool thing about the penguins is they huddle together for warmth. How could that be bad? Yeah, it's like -20 or colder at times, but you still have all your other penguin buddies to help keep you warm. (and remember, you get to be fat too!)
So, in my next life, I wanna be a penguin. I just hope sharks don't like to eat penguins.

shhh, I'm hunting wabbits again

We took Andrew out over the weekend for his first time shooting a pistol. He seemed to really like it. He actually paid attention to what he was doing and he listened very well to Steve. Sadly, like his Mama, he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. We'll work on that later.

I took the pumpkin left over from Halloween and we all took turns trying to "carve" a new face for it.


So here are the pics.

Martinsville Race

Last week, Steve took me to the Martinsville Race. Here's the link if you wanna check out the pictures.


Martinsville Race Pictures

Any ideas??

Steve & I have spent all evening sending out letters to the national news, posting on forums, registering with missing persons websites, etc.

Are we missing anything (besides Sam)?? Can anyone else think of something we can do to get the word out??

Thanks to everyone for all your prayers, suggestions and comments!! I love y'all!!

Your kid might be right

Every time Andrew gets sick and requires medication, he balks when it comes time to take it. My friend Tammy's little girl does the same. She's still little enough that they can pry her mouth open and make her take it. But Andrew is already 5' 3" and 170+ lbs. There is not much I could physically make him do. Especially take medicine. I have to use the coax, beg, bargain and bribe method. A little while ago I found out why little kids don't like medication. "It tastes like shit" to quote my son, after a dose of Nyquil.

I suffer from acid reflux. Probably something worse but that is what I'll call it. Usually I take Nexium and it's all good. I ran out of it the other day and not really thinking, I hadn't asked my doctor for a refill. I must say that stuff really works. After yesterday's events, we got home and somewhere around 9 or 10, I got hungry. Ham biscuits just weren't enough to keep my stomach happy. Steve wasn't hungry so I fixed myself some chili. Truth be told, I had crackers and cheese with some chili somewhere mixed in. We go to bed, I'm fat and happy and ready to sleep.

As I open my eyes, I hope and pray there is some sort of wastebasket or something of the kind near me. (Luckily there was) It's 1 a.m. and the chili has come back to haunt me. Not only was it haunting me, it was fricken' harassing me. I find some Pepto Bismol tablets in the medicine cabinet and go back to sleep. 3 a.m. it comes back for Round 2. By 5 a.m., I cannot longer stand it and I have to go get something over the counter. Luckily, Walmart is 2 minutes away and open 24/7. I sorta kinda get Steve awake enough to let him know where I'm going and head out. Luckily, no freaks to report, I guess 5 a.m. is too late for them.

I get back here and chug some Maalox straight from the bottle. It immediately comes back out. I look at the bottle and it's Mixed Berry. Who in the hell is in charge of marketing this crap? Is putting a horrible flavor in it supposed to make it taste better or leave a better after taste? I know it's very chalky when there is no flavor and I think I can handle that better. What happened to the mint flavor? At least it tasted like toothpaste.

So next time your kid doesn't want to take their medicine, you might want to smell it or even put a small amount on your tongue. I don't think kids are trying to get out of it because it is "good" for them; I think it just tastes so horrible they don't want to keep the taste in their mouth until it's time for the next dose.

Never will we forget

Again, that Reba McIntire song haunts me. What do you say? What do you say to the father who just received news that his beautiful 19-year-old daughter is gone? What do you say to your Mom when she calls, hysterical and in tears to tell you that Samantha is gone? Do you curse God? Do you fall to your knees and pray that there has been a horrible mistake? The little blond girl who used to follow you around is gone? This cannot be true.

Sadly, it is true. Samantha is gone. I cannot imagine what her father is going through. They were tight. I envied their relationship. She kept no secrets from him and he worshipped the ground she walked on. The Father Knows Best at it's finest.

I wish there were words to express what I feel. I want so very badly to tell my whole family, it will be all right. But somehow, I don't think it will. Things will never be the same again for that family.

Nana used to say to say she had two blond angels. Now, one of them is with her. Rest in peace, Sam.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.