Friday, August 3, 2007

Kool-Aide Flavored Lunchmeat Anyone?

This is a bitch session, if you don't want to read complains, you may want to stop here.

You can either laugh or cry when things aren't going your way. But have you ever cried so much you started laughing? I have. And being the world's biggest snot producer, believe me when I say, it is not a pretty sight.

It started last night when I couldn't get to sleep. The new kitten has decided since I look nice and fluffy, she will use me as her personal pillow. As the upstairs is hot as Hades, I wasn't a happy camper. An 8/9 week old kitten does NOT know the word no. Finally dozing off, I woke to this horrible beeping sound. In my head, I was telling my sister to turn off her fucking alarm before it hit the wall. As I came awake, I realized I was alone and it was Steve's alarm. Smacking every button and turning every knob, I finally got the damn thing to shut up. I lay there, rubbing the sleep from my eyes when it hits me, a wave of nausea. I lie back down, smoke a cigarette and try to stifle the urge to hurl. I was successful.

I should have known when Steve came upstairs and complained about the upstairs needing cleaning and then the dog started barking that I was in for it. I pull on clothes and stumble downstairs. I have no idea at this point where Steve went, but I make it to the kitchen. My earlier attempt to keep last night's dinner was not so successful this time. Luckily, the kid was there to help me. I go into the living room and plop down, thinking I am going back to bed, I feel like shit barely warmed over. But no, it just wasn't going to happen today. Steve is frustrated and heads off to work, early. I sit there for a few minutes, check my email and smoke. After hearing it was going to be 93 today, I decide to get our little blow up pool cleaned up and refilled.

Thinking this was a good idea; I go to get the blower-upper thingy. I hear Andrew say, " That's just nasty Alyssa". Knowing, it takes a lot to make my kid's stomach turn, I knew I had better check things out. Alyssa had decided to follow in my footsteps and leave her breakfast on the carpet. Ya know, at least I made it to the trashcan. She could have had the decency to do it on the linoleum. I get that cleaned up and we finally head outside.

Standing outside at 8 a.m. getting sprayed "accidentally" was not helping my mood. After several smacks on the butt, Andrew gets my point and decides to behave. At this point, I'm thinking the day may just redeem itself. That is what I get for thinking. We go inside as the pool fills up. Throwing all our clothes in the dryer, I tell Andrew to decide what he wants to eat.

Andrew decides he wants bacon, eggs and toast for breakfast. Cool deal, I can handle that. I've never cooked eggs any other way than scrambled, but I'm sure I can do this. Yeah, well, if you don't like them fried hard, I'm not the person to cook breakfast for you. After 2 attempts I get the yoke, unpopped, into the frying pan. Feeling rather proud of myself, I get all of Andrew's food onto his plate. I told him to get something to drink and we will go watch t.v. until the pool is filled.

I then hear a thud, coming from the refrigerator. Knowing this is not a good sign, I look around and there is red Kool-Aide coming out of the refrigerator. As in, pouring out. And what is my dear son doing? Standing there with huge tears in his eyes. Somehow I manage to get a towel on the floor, but the Kool-Aide has already ran down the back of the fridge, into the drawers, pretty much drowning any food in paper containers. Luckily, we need to go to the grocery store anyway.

Our sink is screwed up. If you run water in one side, the other side starts bubbling back up. Knowing I could not clean the shelves in the kitchen, I have to carry everything into the bathroom, scrub it down, dry it and take it back. There was some unidentifiable lunchmeat, which now resides in the trashcan. I managed to salvage everything else.

I finally get it all cleaned up. I sit down to smoke a cigarette and look out the window. Guess what we forgot? The pool. There was enough water in the pool to let water run out on all 4 sides (and it was sloped downhill). The squirrels were on top of the clothesline pole; their little food haven had turned into a lake.

I guess it's a good thing we don't pay for water. All of this and it's only 9:19. I wonder what else the day has in store for me. I'm almost afraid to speculate. But at least I have a clean refrigerator and the grass has been watered. The rest will have to wait.

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