Wednesday, February 28, 2007

One would think...

that if your divorce was not final, your lawyer would tell you. After getting it sealed so certain people in society cannot find me, I thought nothing more about it. It wasn't until yesterday that it was brought to my attention that we never completed a marital separation agreement, that my world came crashing down.
So, not only do we have property to settle, it seems that crackhead needed a guardian ad litem for our divorce. Did anyone bother to tell me this?? NO. Did my lawyer know this? NO. He's only done one and does more criminal law than family law. (ok, my grammar sucked a huge one on that sentence).
So, guess what? my divorce is null & void. I still have property to share with crackhead. The best part?? I get to pay for HIS lawyer. Even better? I'm still married to the motherfucker.

I am convinced that I am the only human on this earth that if something only has a 1 in a trillion chance of it happening, it's gonna happen to me.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Are there animals in heaven? R.I.P. Joshua

This is a question I have wondered about for years. I have asked many people from scholars to the regular Joe. My ex father-in-law, says there will be no animals in heaven. However, I have found many passages in the Bible saying otherwise.

I'm not sure this is how it works, but I have always had a picture, so to speak, of what happens when you die. Being a diehard Lutheran, we never really spoke of death and dying. It wasn't until I was working in a nursing home that I began to wonder what happened at the moment of one's death. I have come to the conclusion that when you die, you are either with Jesus in Heaven or in Hell. I believe there will be an ultimate judgement day, however, in the meantime, I would like to think my loved ones and pets are in heaven. I'm probably way off base, but it's my delusion, so please don't try to pop my bubble.

The reason I bring this up is last evening, I lost Joshua. Most of you may remember Joshua from previous blogs. She was my grandmother's cat. Yes, Joshua was a SHE. I owned her mother, Dutchess. So of course, Nannie needed a pet once Dutchess became a mother. And me being so young, thought the furball was just that, balls. So I gave my Nannie a "boy", who turned out to be a girl when it was time to get fixed. (this reminds me of Tammy's transexual cat "Ms. Kitty, another story for another time) We are still trying to pin down Joshua's exact year of birth, I know I was in the 8th grade. So, it was either 87 or 88.

Joshua and I had a love/hate relationship. To be exact, most days I hated that skinny furball and she loved me. Great thing about animals, they love you no matter what. I believe it's called unconditional love. When I first picked Joshua up, she hissed and bit at me. My first thought were "you ungrateful little wench, I'm giving you a home". For months, I thought this cat hated me. Come to find out, all she needed was a little coaxing. Me being me, was bound and determined to make this cat like me and eventually she did. I became her companion when no one else was home. She was company for me too. Even though she was a skinny ass furball who needed grooming constantly, I could always count on her being there. And it all came to an end yesterday.

I'm not sure if yesterday when I found her, I grieved more for her or for the loss of my last link to my beloved Nannie. I completely lost it. I sat in the middle of my kitchen floor literally wailing to the top of my lungs. Somehow I managed to call Steve to tell him what was happening and Johnny, who was just as devestated as I. It seemed like just minutes and Steve was there. I sat and cried and watched her life slowly slip away. Just as I did my Nannie's almost 11 years ago. Joshua did things her way to the end, just as I would have expected her to.

I hope Joshua is now with my Nannie. I just hope there are no blizzards, because poor Joshie would get the boot because "she's never seen snow"...

To wrap this up, I want to thank Steve. He went way above the call of duty as a boyfriend yesterday. Lord knows I couldn't have sat with the world's largest producer of snot and a dying cat. So, baby, thank you, for everything. And Joshua, thank you for being my kitty, if only for a little while.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Bad to worse

Today, we were supposed to know when Steve is to leave. He just sent me an email, and they want him to come up there for a month. He said "I don't like the idea, it's too long" I can honestly say that I am now officially terrified.
A month will break it. I know I'm bringing issues into this relationship as it is. Big issues that I can't fix over night, and most definitely not before he leaves.

I just got another email from him, his supervisor is balking on a month, he said 2 weeks at the max per month. I could deal with 2 weeks, maybe. I dunno, I'm all confused. I don't know what to think, all I know is that it's fucking with my head and it hasn't even happened yet. That's pretty bad.

I'm off to the dentist, more later, as I know more.

Thursday, February 22, 2007


Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Foat Wuth

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit , and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," . we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!

If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
We all know you got here as fast as you could.

I'm not a paranoid person, am I?

I just got one of those phone calls that I have dreaded. Things never, ever, ever turn out good for me when a boyfriend/spouse goes out of town.
He called to "ask me" if it was okay, hell he had already made the decision. He had sent an email to me a few minutes before, telling me what was happening.

God, I need to quit this shit, now. he's not kevin, he's not tim, he's not any of those people, he wouldn't cheat on me as soon as we are apart. would he?

every insecurity I thought I was over just came out with a vengence and I can't stop freakin' crying. God, I hate myself. I hate Kevin for doing this to me, why did he have to fuck up so bad that it turned my life upside down?? Fucking why?
All I ever have is questions, never answers.

They say it's worth a 1000 words

Most of you may or may not know that Lent started yesterday. I spent a lot of the week wondering what am I willing to sacrifice? I went through all the traditional things that I have given up in the past: bread, beef, pork or chicken. I don't really have any food vices to speak of, with the exception of cheese. I don't consider tea as an option, as I would dehydrate in the 40 days (technically 46 but who's counting?) of the Lenten season. So with the food options pretty much out of the question, I decided to look at something I really have a passion for. And it hit me: photography.

Spring is coming, DST is on it's way, as is my 33rd birthday. All of these are reasons for me to grab my camera and go out exploring in my quest for the perfect picture.

I'm wondering if I can do this. I think I can, but it's going to be a struggle. I keep my camera by my bed, charged at all times, and usually throw it in the car when I'm headed out. So, I'm thinking, hide it, but then what type of sacrifice would that be? That is akin to the look but don't touch theory. I am going to keep it beside the bed, charged and ready. Let's see if I can over come temptation.

Most people are probably thinking it's not a big deal, it's just a camera. But to me, it's my passion, second nature. But for the next 45 days, it's going to be the big pink elephant sitting in my room, calling my name. I guess we shall see how things go.

A great photograph is a full expression of what one feels about what is being photographed in the deepest sense, and is, thereby, a true expression of what one feels about life in its entirety. ~Ansel Adams

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Jacob's Five Questions

A friend of mine, Jacob, posted an intriguing blog where he was asked 5 questions and in turn, will ask you five questions if you ask him. I asked. I'm willing to do the same. Here is the Q & A session:

1. Tell me three funny sex stories, the catches are that you have to be a part of them and they all have to be true.

a. My ex-husband and I would stay at my mother's house when we were in town. On one particular night, we were doing our thing, and I hear "What are you doing to my daughter?" My mother was outside the room, asking "why" I was making all that noise. She had her .22 pistol ready to fire. I probably should have let her.

b. I had an affair with a married man (yeah, I know, shame on me), so we had to sneak. One day, we did not have anywhere to go, so we decide to use his truck. We drive up to the top of his property (wifey would never look up there) and mid stroke, I hear him say, "did I ever tell you my father is buried up here?"

c. I had a boyfriend who decided to sneak through a window. My sister-in-law lived with us at the time. She was in the living room and my bedroom was off to the side. I had just gotten a new kitten that was quite playful at times. All I remember is a scream, a cat meow and my sister-in-law asking my future husband why he had a pussy hanging off his back.

2. Paul Simon says that there are 50 ways to leave your lover, give me three ways you have left some of yours.

a. Crying on his Mother's doorstep.

b. Packed all his clothes, but them in a trash bag and left it at his father's home, called him and told him he now lived with his father.

c. In his probation officer's custody

3. Do you know anybody you'd be willing to give up your life for? Tell me about the first three people that come to your mind.

a. Without hesitation, my son.

b. Any of my brothers and sisters.

c. All of my nieces and nephews.

4. It's video night; give me the three kinds of drinks/snacks you would want to have the most.
a. Gotta have chips and dip.

b. Mild Cheddar Cheese cut from the block, with ranch dressing on the side

c. Club crackers and cheese.

5. Give me three things that are related to the metaphysical or the occult and tell me why you think they are true or give me three things that you think are bullshit and tell me why.

a. There will be a mix of both. Faith healing. I'm not talking about people who pray for one another when prayers are needed. I'm talking about the television evangelist who welcomes the crippled woman up the stage or sells bottled water as a cure all. Suddenly, she's cured. I take serious issue with this, for two reasons. Money, first and deception second. Faith is a powerful thing. Faith is personal. For one to use a person's faith for personal gain is wrong and unethical. I personally feel these are staged shows and refuse to watch.

b. Spirits, ghosts, or haints. Call them what you will. I strongly believe. Why? Because too many things have happened in my life that cannot be explained by any other definition.

c. Psychics. As the old saying goes, if they can foretell the future, how come they are not lottery winners?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

My Baby is coming home!!

I just got the best phone call. My God-Daughter, Jaye, is coming home to Tammy!!

WOO HOO. The whore is in jail where she belongs and my baby girl is on her way back where she belongs!!

Oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Where's my freakin' Prize??????

I was the lucky one to finish the cereal. Ok, well, I thought I was lucky. There was no prize at the bottom. I turned the box inside out, even fished around in my cereal. Nope, no prize.

WTF??? When we were younger, it was a huge grab and growl fest over who got the prize, especially considering we didn't get sweetened cereal all that much. We had Frosted Flakes, but those were Daddy's for his night time snack.

Then to top it all off, my milk tasted kinda funny. Funny as in sweet. I got to looking and it's some kind of sweetened acidophilus milk. I'll give you a forewarning: it's not good!!

I give up, damnit, can't even look forward to the prize in the bottom of the box anymore.

Monday, February 12, 2007

I was cursed

I remember hiding behind my mother's skirts, so to speak, sticking my tongue out at my brother, Sean. "Na Na Boo Boo, you're in trouble" and happily skipping along my merry way. Of course, I could always hear my mother tell him: "I hope one day you have kids just like you".

And I laughed.

Karma. I believe in it, wholeheartedly. And you know what? She came up and bitch slapped me. As you can imagine, Sean grew up and yes, had a child just like him. And guess what? I grew up and had a child just like him!! Guess that is what I get for laughing.

Wonder if it's too late to apologize for laughing at him getting his ass whipped? Will that change things? Somehow I doubt it.

I have decided to send my son to live with MY father. He doesn't know about this yet. (Neither the son, nor the father or my father for that matter). If I even so much as had the thought of sassing my mother, my Daddy would have smacked me down a rathole that I would have never been able to dig myself out of. So, I'm thinking, if old dogs can learn new tricks, my 9 year old can learn how to be respectful and keep his trap shut, like we were taught.

I'd leave this open for comments, but I'm afraid of the "I told you so's"...LOL. I'm off to eat the bottle of nerve pills prescribed to me.....

First fight

As Tammy says, the honeymoon is over. We had our first fight today and it was through email no less. How fucking stupid is that? The more he wrote, the worse it got. I know he is sick and all that, but damn.

I just want to lay down and sleep for hours. No such luck there, I have a meeting at Andrew's school tonight @ 5:30. And he will be staying again. Now that he's with me all the time, it feels different when he's not. I feel like I'm damned if I don't when it comes to Andrew anymore. I finally have him all the time and he gets on my last nerve but when he's gone, I miss him so bad.

I've gotta scoot off of here, I have to go pick him up. God, I just hope he behaves.

Friday, February 9, 2007

Tag, you're it!!

I was tagged, again!

I was tagged by my good friend, Gen (mocha nips) here is how the game works, you write 10 things about you and then you tag 10 more.

1. When I was little, I thought Steve Perry from Journey was the hottest thing I had ever seen.

2. I was in 3rd grade before I saw a black kid. (that I remember)

3. My cousin and I used to sneak out to the outhouse and smoke pot-it was leftover from my brother's stash.

4. I was 23 years old before I stopped sleeping with my bear, Winston. I even took him on trips with me.

5. I was once chased through a nursing home by a guy in an electric wheelchair. He caught me. Then he shoved me to the ground and ran over my hand. Apparently, I wasn't what he thought I was, LOL.

6. I am terrified to watch movies about possession or anything that deals with the devil because it can really happen and I'm terrified it will happen to me.

7. I hate owls. Don't know why, they just freak me out.

8. I have quite a collection of erotica and am always searching for more.

9. I have always thought older men are extremely sexy. I'm talking about Sean Connery and Sam Elliot

10. I have always been jealous of my older sister because she was considered the "pretty" one, I was considered the "smart" one.

This is who I am Tagging:

1. Steve

2. Greg

3. Le

4. Janie

5. Stephanie

6. NenaKai

7. Heather

8. Pragmatic

9. Jen

10. Richard

Thursday, February 8, 2007

The most vile thing the body ever invented

Having come from a nursing background, I have pretty much seen it all. I have taken old men out to smoke through their trach tubes, I have seen patients pour coffee into their g tubes. Yes, nasty, but when the human mind craves something, a person will go to extreme lengths to get it. But what happens when a person's mind gets its signals crossed? When I say this, I am talking about the fight or flight response that we all have.

My fight or flight response is seriously messed up. I have panic disorder. I have had some sort of panic attack since I was a small child. I do not know why and I have quit asking. It is something I have come to accept. (it's my delusion, so humor me)

The thing that irritates me more than I can put into words are stupid people who believe it is "all in your head". Well, yeah, it may be "all in my head", but my body physically reacts to what my brains tells it to. An example, after finding out today that I have to have yet another invasive procedure, I had a panic attack. (Ok, multiple ones). Andrew was not behaving and I called his father for some help. Rather than help, I received criticism, rejection and much to my horror, blame.

Blame, you ask? Yup, I was told, once again that I needed to get over it. I ended up in tears crying because all I wanted was someone to tell my child to listen to me for a few minutes. Instead I ended up with a child telling me to "stop crying, it is stupid to cry" and the best I've heard (ever better than some of his father's barbs) "you're a grown up, I thought grown ups could handle anything". If only things were that simple and easy.

I know several of my friends & readers have panic attacks and know what I am talking about, for those who don't, thank God. And pray you never do.
So, to break the stereotype, I am one of thousands of people who suffer from panic disorder of unknown origin. So next time you see or hear of someone with a mental disorder, remember me. Not all of us are homeless or institutionalized, some of us take care of your children, your parents and maybe one day, even you.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

10 Random things

Ok, so I'm in the blogging mood, can you tell? One of the Bloggers I subscribe to has started the 10 random things about you. So, even though ya'll know a lot about me, I'll try to come up with 10 new things that you don't know about me. (This is a challenge for me).

1. When I was younger I wanted 10 kids. (quit laughing, I was young & stupid)

2. I am so allergic to mosquitoes that I instantly swell up and break out.

3. I am the only child of my parents (all of them) to go through the Botetourt County School System.

4. To date, I am the only child of my parents (again, all of them) to graduate from college.

5. I love the smell of a garage. It reminds me of my Daddy.

6. When I was 11, I tried to convince my brother's friend that I was old enough to be his girlfriend. (he was 18/19) *later in life, I eventually did date him*

7. My first official "date" was to my prom.

8. I am terrified of clowns. Almost as much as sharks

9. Until I was in high school, my family had several nicknames for me, they included: Wimp, Minny Mouse, Brat (that one has stuck) and Etheopian.

10. I have battled anorexia for years. Right now, I'm winning, LOL...

Your Weed Better Not Eat My Daisy

You always see predictors of how you will "go out". I personally have always said I want to go out in my sleep. Now I have decided I like this way better.

They say women live longer than men. If I have my math right, that would make Steve & I right on target for the mortality rates of 80 & 76.8. And this looks like a much better way to spend eternity.

Eternal embrace? Couple still hugging 5,000 years on

ROME (Reuters) -

Call it the eternal embrace.

Archaeologists in Italy have discovered a couple buried 5,000 to 6,000 years ago, hugging each other.

"It's an extraordinary case," said Elena Menotti, who led the team on their dig near the northern city of Mantova.

"There has not been a double burial found in the Neolithic period, much less two people hugging -- and they really are hugging."

Menotti said she believed the two, almost certainly a man and a woman although that needs to be confirmed, died young because their teeth were mostly intact and not worn down.

"I must say that when we discovered it, we all became very excited. I've been doing this job for 25 years. I've done digs at Pompeii, all the famous sites," she told Reuters.

"But I've never been so moved because this is the discovery of something special."

A laboratory will now try to determine the couple's age at the time of death and how long they had been buried.

Monday, February 5, 2007

If your life was a movie, what would be the soundtrack?

I have seen similiar blogs to this one, but never did one myself. So, I'm going to give it a go and hope nothing really strange plays!!

Thanks Mel for sending me this email.

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. No cheating! Use the very next song.

1. Opening Credits:
Remember When- Alan Jackson

2. Waking Up:
Let Me Touch You For Awhile-Allison Krauss & Union Station

3. First Day At School:
Eternal Flame-The Bangles

4. Falling In Love:
Stand By Me-Ben E. King (hmm, very appropriate!!)

5. First Kiss:
8th of November-Big & Rich

6. Fight Song:
Life Ain't Always Beautiful-Gary Allan

7. Breaking Up:
Why, Why, Why-Billy Currington (LMAO!!!!!)

8. Prom:
Me & Charlie-Miranda Lambert

9. Life:
Rock Star-Nickleback

10. Death of Mother and Father
Promiscious Girl- Nelly Furtado

11. Mental Breakdown:
Hit Me With Your Best Shot-Pat Benatar

12. Driving:
Tonight's the Night-Rod Stewart

13. Flashback:
If You're Going Through Hell-Rodney Adkins

14. Getting back together-
Like We Never Had A Broken Heart-Trisha Yearwood (Damn, had forgot about that song!)

15. Losing your virginity:
Nobody But Me-Blake Shelton

16. Wedding:
Mama, I'm Coming Home-Ozzy Osbourne

17. Birth of Child:
I Melt-Rascal Flatts

18. Final Battle:
Free Bird-Lynyrd Skynyrd

19. Funeral Song:
Wicked Game-Chris Issak

20. End Credits:
What's Your Name-Lynyrd Skynyrd

Now, it's YOUR TURN!!!!!!!!