Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Sugar and Spice

I hope you didn't think this was a cooking blog, y'all know by now I don't cook!!

Snips and Snails, Sugar and spice
Snips and snails,
And puppy dog tails,
That's what little boys are made of.

Sugar and spice,
And all things nice,
That's what little girls are made of.

As I stood in the shower listening to the radio, I heard a song called I Saw God Today. At first I thought George Strait was singing about his wife. (Lyrics below) My first thought was "aww, he's standing by her side in the hospital". Immediately, my thoughts went to Richie and Lisa. Richie has been down in Richmond with Lisa as she goes through her chemo treatments. Then, as the song was almost at the end, I realize he is talking about being with his wife during labor. He is seeing his daughter for the first time.

There was a pull in my soul that I cannot fully describe. Being only 33 and incapable of ever having children is hard at times. Yes, I realize had I not had the hysterectomy, I would be dead by now. And yet I also see what I don't have and would like to. A daughter.

I read Heather's blog the other day about helping Katie with crafts and I see Dale with Madelyn and I'll admit; I'm jealous. I'm not a girlie girl by any means but I would like to have a daughter to share all the things that I shared with my Mama and Mom. I would like to have a daughter who looks like Katie (she favors her Uncle Steve). I have that yearning for something that can never be fulfilled.

The closest I have ever come to truly knowing what having a daughter is like is with my nieces, Cheyenne (Belle,Belle), Erin and Caitlin. It wasn't the same but at that time, it filled a void in my life. I look at my niece Belle Belle and I wonder if I had any influence whatsoever on her life or her view of life. At almost 16 years of age, I doubt she would even realize what an impact she has made on my life. Those 3 girls are the closest I'll ever come to having a daughter. And they are growing up and away from their Aunt Amie.

I should also qualify this rambling with the fact that I am grateful for the life I live now. I am blessed beyond measure when it comes to family, Steve and my son. I would not trade my son for anything. I might get overwhelmed at times when dealing with him, but I think all parents feel that from time to time. And to be completely honest, I'm not sure I could handle having another child. I'm very selfish with my time and with Steve. I want our time to be OURS. But that hint of longing is still there.

I mentioned earlier about Richie and Lisa. For those who don't know, Richie is my 2nd to the oldest brother and his wife Lisa is one of my best friends. She is battling Hodgkin's Disease and is staying at MCV (Medical College of Virginia) while she is having a stem cell transplant. What she is going through is on a level I could never attempt to describe. They have created a page for her updates.You may have to log in, I'm not really sure. It can be found here: Lisa's care page Please keep her, Richie and their kids in your prayers.

As for other comings and goings in our life right now; things are going good. I'm slowly adjusting to a rigid schedule of 5:30 a.m. to whenever I can finally sleep. I enjoy my new job and have met a very diverse group of people. All is well in Amie (and now Steve)land.

I hope everyone has a good week. I'm off to check my eyelids for holes. More soon.

I Saw God Today

Just walked down the street to the coffee shop
Had to take a break
I've been by her side for 18 hours straight
Saw a flower growing in the middle of a sidewalk
Pushing up through the concrete
Like it was planted right there for me to see
The flashing lights, the honking horns
All seemed to fade away
In the shadow of that hospital at 508
I saw God today.

I've been to church, I've read the book
I know he's here but I don't look
Near as often as I should (Yeah I know I should)
His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slowed down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today.

Saw a couple walking by
They were holding hands
Man she had that glow
Yeah I couldn't help but notice she was starting to show
Stood there for a minute taking in the sky
Lost in that sunset
A splash of amber melted into shades of red.

I've been to church, I've read the book
I know he's here but I don't look
Near as often as I should (Yeah I know I should)
His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slowed down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today.

Got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She's sleeping like a rock
My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks
She's got my nose, she's got her mamas eyes
My brand new baby girl
She's a miracle
I saw God today...

Monday, February 18, 2008

Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, it’s off to work I go

I was sitting here thinking a few minutes ago about tomorrow. I'm nervous in some aspects and in others, I can't wait to start on a new adventure. I am nervous because it's an environment where you will be dealing with the public, via telephone. I'm used to dealing with the public face to face. But the cool part is, I'll still be somewhat connected to the construction industry, which I love. I would love to be a contractor. Anyway, I'm not on here very much anymore and I'm sure my time will be limited even more once I start work. Unless of course, I have internet access and then I'm sure I'll be on here more, due to boredom. I hope everyone is doing well and had a good Valentine's Day. We had an excellent one. But then again, any day with Steve is excellent. I'll update everyone once I get settled into something resembling a routine.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

You’ve come a long way, baby.

A few weeks ago, my best friend Tammy, told me she was getting married. Awww....I am insanely jealous and extremely ecstatic for her and Kenneth.
What seems like a lifetime ago, we were two women bonding over spoiled relationships. Now, we are two women who have it all. Great men, beautiful families and the friendship of a lifetime.

Tammy, it seems like yesterday we were bemoaning the fate of growing old alone. Tomorrow, I will stand by your side as you take your vows. We truly have come a long way, haven't we? I'm so very proud of you and how far you have come. I miss our hours long conversations, our moments of insanity and riding around in the little red ride. But I wouldn't change a moment of what we have become.
I love you and wish you all the best in your new marriage.