What is trust?

I have trust issues. Apparently so did my mother because she always told me, "NEVER trust a man who says 'trust me'" While this somehow holds to be a true statement in my life, I can't through go through life not trusting people. I would be a miserable person. I also know that I have had 3 failed relationships due to trust issues.
What happens when you finally do let down the walls you have built? You let someone "in". How do you define trust? Is it something that you discuss at the beginning of a relationship? Do you sit down and say "these are the ground rules, if you break one, you lose my trust?"

What happens when the trust is broken? Do you give up and chalk it up to yet another life experience gone wrong? Or do you try your best to learn how to trust that person again? How can you trust a person when you can never find out if they are hurting you except by accident? How can you give a person who has hurt you blind trust? Can it be done? If so, how?

A lot has happened in the last 24 hours. As usual, all I have are questions and no answers. Right now, I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground. A lot of hurdles have been thrown in my path. I don't know how to "fix" what is broken. How can you fix something that the other person doesn't believe is broken?

I know this is a confusing post. I also know I may be "airing my dirty laundry" It is a chance I am willing to take to get it help/advise/answers.
I hurt and for once in my life, I don't have anyone to turn to and say "what do I do now?" I don't know how to start healing and stop the pain.

If I Had A Warning Label

It would say:

CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE: MAY EXPLODE WHEN SHAKEN

soapbox rant on lying

The ones that I let get close enough, should know and understand me by now. I'm not a hard person to get along with. I ask for only a few things, the main one being complete and total honesty.

Do you think I get it? Hell no. I decided today, what is the fucking point anymore? I'm not going to get it from anyone, ever. Do people not realize that almost everything you do can be tracked, traced or recorded? If you don't know this by now, here's a little helpful hint: it can be and it will come back to bite you in the ass one day, so what is the fucking point in lying about it? Unless you live like a hermit and have no interaction with anyone, at any time and obviously, if you are reading this, it's considered interaction. And yes, even by reading this, you are being tracked I really hate people sometimes and the other times, I wonder what is the fucking point?
ok, I reckon I'm done...my system is freaking out due to steroids, too bad I can't blame it on PMS.....

Some People Wouldn't Know the Truth If...

It smacked them upside the head. I am sitting here, simmering and it takes a lot to make me simply sit and be mad. I usually get over things pretty quick. Throw something, get it out of my system and go about my business. But tonight is different, ohh, I'm so pissed, I could smack someone right now. And I do not in any way, shape or form condone violence.

As most of you know, I hold one thing close to my heart. That is honesty. I do not tolerate lies from my family or my friends. I will cut someone off in a heart beat because of ONE lie. If you can't be honest with me, you don't need to be my friend.
So this being said, I just found out one of my "friends" (I'm using this term loosely), lied to me. I suppose you could call it a lie by omission. For those who don't know what that is, lying by omission is allowing another to believe something that one believes is false, by failing to reveal one's belief, rather than by being untruthful. Hence it is normally classified not as a lie but as an act of deception. (gotta love wikipedia).

Now comes the hard part, do I confront, and see if they have the balls to admit that they lied to me or if they come up with a nice story of "I didn't know".

Some have asked me over the years why I do not tolerate someone who lies, even if it is for the well being of others. The main reason I abhor it is because my childhood was full of lies. Well, let me rephrase that. We had to "pretend" all was well. We overlooked the fact that I never knew my father until we moved to Virginia, we never spoke of Daddy drinking that one extra beer that put him into a fit of rage and beat the shit out of us. And we damn sure plastered a smile on our face come Sunday when we went to church. We looked to be the All-American family, yet it was nothing but a bunch of bullshit lies. This is the major reason I hate lies and deception.

I myself try my damndest not to lie. Even if I know it will hurt a person, I will not lie to someone. My friends hate me at times for this, especially when it comes to covering up for them. I have lost relationships due to my blunt honesty. But when it comes right down to it, I can sleep at night with a clear conscience. But then again, I have been told many times that I don't have one of those.

To wrap this up, I am at a loss as of what to do. The last few days have not been kind to my friend and I. We've trudged through and came out on the other side, still friends. But I don't know that we will get through this one.
I guess if my Daddy didn't teach me anything else, he did teach me to stand up for what I believe in. And I believe that friends do not lie to each other, under any circumstances.