Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Tale of Two Children

Since so many have asked what the deal is with my ex, I figured I'd write a blog about it. This is our edited, watered down story.

August 24th, 1984. This was the day I would meet my future husband. Little did I know what an impact he would make on my life. Would I change meeting him? Yes. Honestly, I can say that I would never have spoken to him had I only known.

It started on the school bus. He was the new boy in town. It started innocently enough, the "check yes or no" letters. I can't say that I liked him. It was more of an annoyance than anything else. But eventually he wore me down. We became friends. He was a year older than I, a lot more experienced in life and quickly taught me the ropes, along with corrupting me. Not that I minded. We soon transitioned into intermediate school, now I guess they call it middle school. By this time, we were sexually active. Now, imagine your pre-teen being sexually active. You'd freak out. Hell, I'd freak out. But somehow, it didn't seem like a big deal to us. We used it as a "get away" from the life we both lived. His mother constantly changed boyfriends/husbands, he had no real father, he ran with a bad crowd and he was constantly in trouble. I was the good little girl who did no wrong in most people's eyes. My family life wasn't much better, the only exception being my parents were together at that time. We would meet and hide and talk for hours about how bad it sucked to be us. And what we would do when we grew up and children of our own. We knew at the tender ages of 9 & 10 that one day we would marry. This continued until high school. I will say that Kevin got me through some of the toughest years of my life. We went through life, death, rape, physical and mental abuse together.

At the age of 14, I met another "man", Dale, the father of my son, Andrew and my first husband. Even though I loved Kev with everything I had, I wanted Dale. Come to find out, the day I told him that it was through, he told me he had gotten a girl pregnant and was getting married. So, this was the beginning of the end. He married a girl named Angel in December. I began dating Dale. Fast forward to my senior year. He shows up on my door step. Of course, I didn't turn him away. That was my problem, I never could turn Kevin away. We caught up on old times and by this time, he had 2 sons, Justin & Billy. Over the years, he continued to pop up in my life when I least expected it.

July 4th, 1997. The carnival. I took my little sisters to it. There he was. It had been 2 years. He had remarried, had another child, a daughter this time, Mary. I was yet to be married. I was more worried about my "career and education" than marriage. I left with him that night. I spent the entire summer with him. On August 17, 1997, by mutual agreement, I went back to Dale, he went back to salvage his marriage and be with his daughter. Again, fast forward to January 20, 1998, my son, Andrew Thomas was born. I brought him home and 2 days later, Kevin saw him for the first time. Dale never knew.
On August 17th, 1998, Dale & I married. The reason? My insurance was going to run out from a COBRA policy. I needed insurance. So we married. On December 15th, he left me. I won't go into details, as this is Kevin's story.

I moved on with my life. December 24th, 1998, I got a call. It was Kevin, he was in jail and please don't let him spend Christmas Eve in jail. I didn't. This was to be the first of many, many times I would bail him out. I believe it was early May 1999 he was sent to prison the first time.

June 8th, 2001, he was due to be released. Having sent letters back & forth for 2 years, I was ready for him to come home. I mistakenly thought I could be his salvation. I could change him. On August 24th, 2001, we were sitting in my bedroom talking, and realized that it had been 17 years since the day we met. We talked about how mad my family would be if I married "that boy" (a nickname that has stuck with him to this day). We decided to get married. This was at 3 p.m. By 8 p.m., we were married; all to spite my family. Finally, my "dream" had come true. In reality, the nightmare had just begun.

All of this sounds so sweet and "aww, you married your childhood sweetheart". No, I married a crack head. Again to save time and painful memories, I'll just skim over the major parts. Kev was a journeyman welder, and a damn good one. On his way to becoming a welder inspector (would still like to see that happen). We traveled and moved every 90 days until 2004. In 2004, we settled back down here. It started up again. Leaving for days, money gone from the bank account, the excuses, the "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again" and jail time. Finally last year, it was the final straw. As much as I loved Kevin, he has bled me to death. I had no money left, I had no self esteem, I was a broken person. Trying to live with a drug addict will eventually led to your death. I kicked him out. Since that time, he has been tried and convicted once more and will do somewhere around 4 years in prison.

There is so much more I could say, I could tell you about the knives being held to my throat, I could tell you about the copious amounts of crack and powder in my home, the multiple times the police came to my house with search dogs, fights with drug dealers, being followed, questioned by the ATF. So many things that I look back now and think "oh my God, how did I live through that?" I will tell you one thing. My son NEVER knew that Kevin did drugs. If nothing else, I protected my son. I may have been through hell and back but my son has not.

So, when asked tonight about August 24th, 1984, this was the reason. Yes, I would change it, I would have never spoke to that boy had I known it would change my life forever.

Today, I got a letter, he's finally letting go. After 20+ years of being my best friend, he's letting go. Am I sad? No. I'm glad I finally came to my senses and got out while the getting was good. Will I ever forget? No, he was my life. Do I still love him? Yes but not as a wife should love a husband. More as a friend loves a friend. Will I ever go back? I will end this with an absolute HELL NO. I would spend the rest of my life alone before I would go back to the depths of hell that I just pulled myself out of.

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