What's in it for me?

I received a letter from Kevin over the weekend and just finished reading it. He wants to sit down and hash this mess out between the two of us. Basically, we have been telling each other off through counselors, lawyers and an occasional letter. I'm hesitant, but I see where he is coming from.

He made two valid points. If he sees me and I walk away, it will break his "already shattered heart". If he never sees me again, he doesn't have to face the pain and responsibility for what he has done to me in the past. He did say he would like to see me but is terrified of what will happen when we do see each other. Will we both cry for what we have lost or will we be like old friends catching up? I honesty do not know the answer to that. It is so much easier to "get over" some one when you don't have to face them.

In order to complete the 12-step program, you should make amends with the people you have hurt. As of today, he has never once said he is sorry for what we went through. I wonder if maybe this meeting could be his chance. I know I need closure, somehow. I'm not sure if it will come once the MSA is complete or if it will be when I can look him in the eyes and say to him, with all the honesty in my heart: I don't love you anymore. You took away my innocent, naive ways, my ability to trust others and most of all you took away 24 years of my life that I will never, ever be able to get back.

Can I see him, turn around, and walk off? I would like to think I could. I would like to squelch the maternal feelings I have towards him. I'd like to be able to saunter off with the heavy burden of terrible memories, gone. I want to be able to hold my head up high, knowing I did the best thing for my son and I. I want to turn around and see Steve standing there, waiting on me. I want to finally be happy. Is that too much to ask? Am I trying to pull the fairy tale out my ass? Am I being selfish to ask, what's in it for me?

When I saw you on the street
I almost turned away
When you stared in disbelief
Because I smiled and waved
Oh the years have turned my bitterness
Into a sad regret
And it's good to finally talk to you
And lay our past to rest

Cause(And) I have changed and you have changed
And all is forgiven now
And a long and silent last embrace
Shows our repect somehow
But it's ok to cry a little
I know where it comes from
These tears of sadness and relief
When love dies in your arms

You were once my deepest pain
But you were oce my friend
And a part of me was holding on
Till I saw you again
I couldn't bear to see it end
With rage and jealousy
A feeling once so beautiful
Should die with dignity

Cause(And) I have changed and you have changed
And all is forgiven now
And a long and silent last embrace
Shows our repect somehow
But it's ok to cry a little
I know where it comes from
These tears of sadness and relief
When love dies in your arms