Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Live like you were dying?

How do you know when to start living like you were dying? When do you consciously decide, "ok, I'm done with life, I'm just waiting to die"?
The following is a conversation I just had with a guy I haven't spoken to since November. He crossed the line and wanted more than what I willing to give. So, I blew him off and hadn't talked to him. Now he has decided his life is over and done with.

L (4/24/2007 11:22:44 PM): an island called insenchion
Amie (4/24/2007 11:23:01 PM): hmm, never heard of it. why would you move out of the country?
L (4/24/2007 11:23:52 PM): im ready to leave this place, bored out of my mind, tired of being bored, ready to try somthing new
Amie (4/24/2007 11:24:05 PM): yeah, I understand that
Amie (4/24/2007 11:27:59 PM): I can't believe you might leave the country, wow, that's a huge decision
L (4/24/2007 11:29:26 PM): yea my life is a bore, work and go home
Amie (4/24/2007 11:29:36 PM): you aren't dating anyone now?
L (4/24/2007 11:30:04 PM): july will be a year since i have been with a woman lol
Amie (4/24/2007 11:30:18 PM): oh my, TMI
L (4/24/2007 11:31:18 PM): hell i gained 10 pounds, no women look at me any more i just gave up on that, no bigee
L (4/24/2007 11:33:55 PM): if i can get jessi raised, and doing good for herself, and will gets out and does good in life, hell ile be ready for the end.
Amie (4/24/2007 11:34:09 PM): you make yourself sound so old
Amie (4/24/2007 11:34:42 PM): I've got mine half raised, lol, I've got 9 more years
L (4/24/2007 11:34:53 PM): no lol as long as my kids are doing well, and on their on, i dont care to be hear any more
Amie (4/24/2007 11:35:09 PM): well that's one way to look at it.
L (4/24/2007 11:35:28 PM): just dont give a damn any more
Amie (4/24/2007 11:36:01 PM): hell, after the crap I have been through over the last few months, I'll be happy to have my kid raised and see him be an adult.
L (4/24/2007 11:36:17 PM): lol
L (4/24/2007 11:39:25 PM): you have a good attitude about life, i hope you live it to the fulliest
L (4/24/2007 11:39:41 PM): me ........ im done
Amie (4/24/2007 11:39:54 PM): I'm trying to, shouldn't think like that, you are too young
L (4/24/2007 11:40:38 PM): to old to start somthing and have somthing, so..................
Amie (4/24/2007 11:41:26 PM): you are never too old. Hell, I'm 33 and just now getting the degree I've been trying to get since I graduated college the last time, I'm buying another home, hell if that ain't starting over, I don't know what is
L (4/24/2007 11:42:04 PM): you are still young, im old
Amie (4/24/2007 11:42:13 PM): how old are you now?
L (4/24/2007 11:42:17 PM): 45
Amie (4/24/2007 11:42:45 PM): and you consider that old? Come on, you are just getting started!! Especially if you get to move
L (4/24/2007 11:42:57 PM): 46 in june
L (4/24/2007 11:44:37 PM): i figure if i go over there and work 5 to 10 years i can send jess thru coll, then my job is thru
Amie (4/24/2007 11:45:07 PM): you never know, you may find the love of your life between now and then, will you be ready to go then?
L (4/24/2007 11:45:27 PM): im struck out
Amie (4/24/2007 11:46:12 PM): i thought I was too, hell, you know my track record with men, I suck at relationships
L (4/24/2007 11:46:48 PM): i had it but lost it
Amie (4/24/2007 11:47:02 PM): well, go get it back
L (4/24/2007 11:47:12 PM): to late
Amie (4/24/2007 11:47:20 PM): why is it too late?
L (4/24/2007 11:47:33 PM): she is in love with someone
L(4/24/2007 11:50:04 PM): well i guess im going to go to bed always remember that i will always be your freind
Amie (4/24/2007 11:50:21 PM): i know you will, talk to you soon

Some of that was edited for content, but you get the general idea. This guy is 45 years old and ready to die as soon as his daughter is raised. All because he doesn't have "the love of his life" anymore.

Is that a reason to stop living? I have seen couples that literally will themselves to die because their mate dies. One woman in particular sat in her rocking chair and just waited to die, only eating and sleeping. She followed her husband within months.

I guess because I have Andrew and want to see him raise his children, I can't imagine "giving up" so easily or being so young. I feel like in some way, I failed to give my friend any sort of advice or comfort. I also feel as though the friendship is over in a way. Although he IM'd me, I felt as though he didn't really want to know what was going on in my life.

I don't know what to think about him. It makes me seriously wonder when do you know you are done in life? I can understand being tired of life, but completely giving up? That I cannot imagine. Yes, I will admit, at one time, I thought I couldn't live without someone. But that was because of co-dependency, not love. My thoughts on hanging onto life have changed dramatically since I have "grown up." It's a shame that his have changed for the worse.

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