Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The freaks come out in the daylight

At 7 this morning, I'm finally getting around to decorating the damn tree. (yes, I'm a Scrooge). Anyway, I had the brilliant idea after seeing Steve's sister's tree (which is VERY pretty), to do my tree in red this year. Most years, I do some sort of color scheme. Andrew informs me that I am supposed to start at the top with the lights & go down. Well, 3/4 of the way down, I run out of lights. Yet another reason I hate decorating a tree. So, I decide, I'll run to Walmart, get lights, some ribbon and be home before 8:30. Pppfffttt. So much for that idea.
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If you have seen the orange juice commercial, you will know what I'm talking about when I say that arms came through the shelf and handed me a set of red lights. Apparently, they have an endless supply of red lights at Walmart. What I'm confused about is how did this set of arms know that I needed red ones? All I can hope is that I wasn't standing there talking to myself.

Anyway, after the set of arms handed me the lights, I peered through the shelf looking for the source and these really big yellow eyes peered back at me. I think I may have said something to the effect of "oh shit". At any rate, whatever I said got a chuckle. Out from the back of the rack of lights came this enormous man, sleeved on both arms and his bald head. Now, I'm a gnat's ass away from 6'0 in my bare feet. I'm in a pair of hiking boots, yet I have to lean my head back to eyeball this person. I swear, he looked exactly like something from a freak show. I'm really not trying to be mean, honestly, I'm not. I was just extremely surprised.

Hanging from his ears were large gaged studs. The pointy kind. The kind where if he took them out, his earlobes would be kinda hanging there. (Somehow the song "do your ears hang low?" just popped in my head) As I said, he was sleeved and I don't think there was a place that had not been inked. I couldn't even tell how old this person was.
As he began to speak, I noticed his tongue also held a large gage stud. He had cat eye contacts in that was yellow. I'm trying to remember my manners, put my "professional facade" on. But all I can do is stutter, "thhannnkkk yyoouuu".

I quickly head out the other way to the toy section and as I am making my great escape, a booming voice informs me I forgot my cart. Oopps. I grab it and again, start the other way. The voice sounded like the one behind the curtain telling the characters out of the Wizard of Oz to ignore that man, speaks again. He apologizes for startling me. He also tells me to have a good day. I think I say the same and finally get the hell of out there.

I'm still not sure why this person's appearance freaked me out. This is bothering me. I am not one to be unnerved by anyone's appearance; let alone judge. I have many piercings and quite a few tattoos. But, I think if you are going to hide in a shelf at Walmart, maybe you ought to forego the cat eyes. Somehow, I can see small children being frightened.

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