Sunday, December 17, 2006

Surrounded, yet alone

I feel so alone. I am unsure why. Maybe because I have spent the entire day just sitting on a couch. Okay, well, I walked the dog. Nikki's computer is broke, so Steve has spent ALL day on the damn thing in the back room. Literally, he woke up, got on the computer and it's now almost 9 p.m. and he is still on it. I'll give him SOME credit, he's now in here, beside me working on it.

Friday, my Uncle Tad got severely sick. Now, he's on a vent and not doing well at all. I'm scared we will lose him. My sister told me I needed to think of other people's feelings rather than just my own. Yeah, well the last time I went to see a family member on a ventilator, they died. I don't handle death well at all. Let alone an Uncle who practically raised me. So, at this point, fuck other people's feelings. I know that I may be selfish at times, but what good am I gonna be if I go up there and have a breakdown? I may go tomorrow.

I still haven't put up the fricken' Christmas tree. At this point, I'm ready to say fuck it and not do it at all. It doesn't feel like Christmas to me. It was really nice outside today and there are no decorations here. It just doesn't feel like Christmas to me. Something is missing and I can't put my finger on it. I don't know.

Well, I'm being eyeballed and that is never a good sign of anything, so I'm gonna stop before I get a head over my shoulder.

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