Thursday, December 28, 2006

I should be sleeping

Yet, I can't get him out of my head. When did this happen? What happened to me? When did it sneak up on me? I have been trying to sleep for hours now and my mind keeps going back to him. Is he asleep yet? Does he miss me as much as I miss him?
All consuming romantic love. He says he's never felt it. Is this an indication that I should run like hell? He says he's never felt what he feels for anyone the way he feels about me. This should be a good thing. Yet, in the same breathe, he says he's never felt an all consuming romantic love like the romance novels. Does this mean I'm not the one? Is he just using me as a means to an end? I know we have a connection. We are both intelligent and have some of the best conversations of my life. He understands my quirky sense of being. But is caring for someone enough to continue a life partnership?
I want the romance novel, all consuming love. I need it. I just don't know if he's capable and if I'm the one. I've already asked him these questions. There are no answers. I came extremely close to losing him on Christmas. I would have left had he not continually reassured me that it's me he wants to be with. I don't doubt that part for a second. I know he cares for me. But it's not the same as love. I want him to feel as though he can't live without me. I want the fairy tale, I want it all. I just wish I knew how to get it.

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