Sunday, January 14, 2007

The unspoken word

**For those family members and friends who know me in the "real" world, forgive me for not telling you myself. But it seems like we do this every few years and I'm tired of calling with bad news. Thank you for everything and remember, I love all of y'all**

I have heard it called many things. Words I feel do not justify just how bad it is or can begin to describe the true meaning of the word. If it is relating to you or a family member, terror ripples through you. However, it is something I feel you can not truly comprehend until you have either went through it yourself or have been close to someone who has.

Cancer. How do you even begin to describe all the implications that go along with one word? I don't think it can be done.

Having worked in the heath care industry; I can remember people coming into the emergency room, finding out their diagnosis, with a sigh of relief saying "at least it's not cancer". I always wanted to tell those people they have no idea how lucky they truly are.

Then there are the people when they find out you have cancer or are a cancer survivor, they say they are sorry. My thoughts are always "sorry for what? You didn't give it to me". Because our society has placed such a high value on good health and longevity, we have become apologetic to anyone who does not have either one going for them. Hearing those words do help, but somehow, it just seems automatic and rehearsed. As when someone passes on, what are the first words out of our mouths? "I'm sorry." Most cancer patients want to hear, "I'll be here for you, if you need me". That can be the most comforting words to hear when you are a cancer patient. To know that someone would take time out of their hectic lives to help you do something, take you to the doctor or simply hold you when you need to cry, it makes all the difference in the world.

So, why am I on my soapbox today? It seems I am out of remission. I made it 2 years, 9 months and 18 days. (This is not to be confused with the previous cancer I had-different type).

What now? I'm not sure. I go to my oncologist/gynecologist next week. We will discuss options once again. I am hoping and praying surgery will end this and I will again be on a 3 month watch. If not, I'll deal with it then. For now, I am concentrating on the fact that I am not "sick". I feel great, in fact, I am the happiest I have ever been in my 32 years. I finally have a wonderful man by my side, a healthy, happy son and many wonderful family member and friends. What more could a woman ask for?

A cure day.

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