Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Eventually, you have to let go

I thought I had more time. I thought I would be able to make an informed decision. The right decision this time. Not only for me, but for my son. However, I received a letter yesterday telling me the time had come to make the decision I have dreaded since January. But what do you tell an addict who refuses to get clean and stay that way? Do you allow them to keep a stranglehold on you? I think not. I know not.
So, after 23 years of friendship, heartache, and love, I'm letting go.
I woke up this morning feeling ok with that decision. Some things you have to let other people worry about. And this is one of those times in my life where I am not going to worry about whether or not Kevin stays clean. I pray to God he does. But, I know in my heart he will not.

23 years is a long time. I know I will never, ever have a friendship with anyone else like I did with that boy I met on the school bus. But I'm ok with that. I can't live in the past. All I can do is go forward. And starting today, I'm jumping off that cliff. But this time, I know where the jagged edges are, and I know how to avoid them.

So to all my close friends who know what decisions I have had to make here recently, I want to say thanks for listening to my ramblings, crying and ho-humming.

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