Saturday, October 14, 2006

it's broke

well, tonight was umm, eventful to say the least. Steve got here a few minutes after 5 and he just left a few minutes ago. We ate pizza and watched GhostHunters. Terry was here for a lot of it. Once he left, we just sat on the couch and talked and held hands. It was a cozy little moment. My heart was racing 100 miles an hour. I won't go into specifics, but we ended up here in the bedroom. It was umm, how do I put this delicately, painful at first. Everything did not want to fit where they belonged if you know what I mean. I knew that he was on the large size, I didn't know it would end up hurting me. When everything was over and done with, he layed down beside me and I scooted over and there was blood on the bed. I completely freaked out and went to the bathroom, it was on my legs and across my stomach. Now, keep in mind, I have had a total hysterectomy, meaning I have no cervix, uterus, ovaries or tubes. So, therefore I can't have a period, so it wasn't that. I came back in here and he had all the lights on and told me to let him look and see what was going on. Well, apparently he tore me somewhere in the process. So, I am bleeding like a stuck pig. We got cleaned up and he kept telling me how sorry he was and I felt kinda bad about it. But on the upside to all of this pain, it felt incredible. I felt really comfortable with him and other than the discomfort of his size, it was very good. I felt satisfied when we was done, hell, we were still messing around after we found the blood. We laid here until a little while ago and talked and laughed.
So, I guess if by tomorrow the blood hasn't stopped, I need to go to the dr. I know I am going to be so sore tomorrow, I can feel it now. He has plans for the next two weekends, so he asked if we could get together again during the week. I told him that was fine.
We was laughing about the dating thing. I asked him if his mind had changed about dating, and he said no, not really, that he still felt the same way, the it's just bullshit to have to go out and try to impress someone and all that crap. I told him I felt the same way, I was just as happy to stay at home and enjoy the company than run around and do stupid stuff. We both laughed about that and both agreed that we were glad to finally not be under any pressure to be a couple or be something we weren't gonna be.

I asked Gary about lying to me, he apologized. I told him please don't do it again. I know he wanted to spare my feelings, but he hurt them even more by lying to me. He said he wouldn't do it again. I hope not. I hate that he is lying to her about me. It's not fair to either one of us. I feel like he is hiding me. But I can see his point. I have done it before with Kevin & Tim. So, I too, have been guilty of lying at some point. I never said I was a saint.

Well, the skinny ass, well muscled man wore my ass out, I'm going to bed. I hope the bleeding stops, that would be embarrassing to have to explain to a doctor. More tomorrow once my brain isn't so rattled.

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